This is my story

This is my story

About

My name is Chris Freeman. I am a recovered drug addict and alcoholic. Originally from Edinburgh, Scotland, I was brought to the USA when I was just a small child. My Mum, Maria had fallen in love and married a man from America ,Carl R. Freeman, my Dad. It is to both of them that I dedicate this site and my work, for without their guidance and loving support I would not have become the man I am today. thank you Dad and rest in peace Mum, I love you both dearly and forever.

The story of how I survived the storm of my addiction is one that I hope you come to know as one which can only be explained as a miracle. That is how I have come to understand how and why I was not taken from this life. Through years of merciless addiction and obsessive alcoholic drinking I managed to not perish as so many of us have. My heart aches and morns every day for all our lost friends the have succumbed to the Monster’s Grip.

My first exposure to drugs and alcohol was when I was only eleven years old. the story of my first drink and drug can be found at addictionunscripted.com/my-first-drink-drug/. My life would never be the same after that first day, never. From day one my life became one of insanity,  madness and on many occasions, almost death.

Addiction started to take its toll early on, although I was blinded by the light and could not see the oncoming disaster that my life would become. By the time I had reached thirteen I started to feel the physical dependency that heavy alcohol consumption produces.

What normally is what you would see in an older experienced alcoholic was taking place within my persona, mind and body at this young age. Drinking had become a required necessity for me to exist and began to encompass my attitude and behavior.

Not so slowly I became a extremely delinquent youth., and from that youth came a extremely delinquent man, psychotic and anti-social, with criminal tendencies and intent. A true sociopath, the DSM-IV would define me as having a personality disorder which is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture, on that has a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.

Utter and complete chaos ruled my life, ravaged by addiction and alcoholism, without hope, incessant and all consuming. Oblivious wreckage after oblivious wreckage, over and over continued for years and years. Every attempt to gain sobriety failed eventually removing everything in life worthwhile. Much of my story can not be told , as I experienced a long term blackout from somewhere around 1982-83 through 1995. I do recall certain details like which state and city I lived in, there were many. I do know I was married. I do know I was arrested and incarcerated. I kind of recall the work I was doing. But most of the usual memories which normal people would have, the finer details of life, are just not present within my memory banks, none.

About
About

This picture on the left is the end result of my addiction. From 1995 to 2008 I struggled with recovery. Many times I stopped drinking and using. My real problem was not having the ability to stop. It was my dilemma of not being able to stay stopped.  So here I was in 2008. I happened to be facing charges of a 5th drunk driving charge. During the last year of my insanity I managed to get caught, and I got caught a lot. I was arrested 14 times for a buffet of lawless activities. I will not bore us with the entire list. You can, if you wish, read more from my final demise at – addictionunscripted.com/what-wrong-with-this-picture.

You can also read about my transformation into the man I am today. addictionunscripted.com/transformation-of-a-madman/. I also have another post on AU which describes the miracle of grace and  mercy which was bestowed upon me. Believe me I did nothing to deserve any type of leniency from the courts, but I did. The sentence I was given was just 3 years probation instead of a minimum of 25 years in prison, of where I would have surely died.  

Part of the probation agreement was that I would have to live in a recovery residence until my term was completed. Whatever kind of ideas or beliefs I had about the God thing changed in an instant. Right in that courtroom, I had the Spiritual Experience that my friends in recovery had talked about. How could it be anything other than God? There was no other logical or reasonable explanation of what just happened. 

It was as if I was transitioned from one type of universe into a completely different one. Reality changed in a Nano-second. Like a brilliant flash, bang, boom! In the book I read, there is a statement that describes a moment where everything changes. They call it a psychic change. The text also refers to this event as something that must occur if one is to expect permanent recovery. It has happened to me and it has given me great purpose and drive.

My last drink was on January 9th, 2009 and from that day the idea or thought of ever drinking again has been removed from my mind. I have had good times and some terrible time over the nearly 8 years since that day. I did fall prey to my addiction once more however, mainly caused by myself trying to hide my mental health condition and physical disability from my peers and employer. I took some non-prescribed medication, Libium, to ease the internal stress and pressure I was feeling during my tenure as a program coordinator for a large sober living facility. It was wrong of me and I have since taken steps to make amends to all those I harmed during this event. I claim a clean date of March 11, 2015.